THE CASTING HAS BEGUN

HERE WE GO DEARIES: Its heavy, wierd and my tootsies are cold- and no the big ugly shoe did not fit. I have a fuzzy sock over it right now, cuz I don't like bare feet, and I don't like cold feet! Hehehe- now I need to see if pants will fit over it and get some more fuzzy socks!

A CAST?

Today I went to my orthotics and prosthetics appointment to be fitted for my cool hinged brace- or "Assisted Device" or AD....I was not looking forward to it . But I have been limited since June by falling, and ya, I don't want to fall anymore. My nuerologist has recommended this great PT who told me, hey I think you need to correct your walk, lets get you an AD..and so here we are !
Except...well, I don't get my brace yet! I first have to go through a series of "soft casts" to correct my deforming right foot and ankle muscles. I can no longer bend my right ankle the way everyone else does, and my foot is shifting outwards, putting great stress on my right knee and right hip. Additionally(though no one really cares about this- its tiring out my left leg and I am always feeling like I get a workout in!)
A soft cast will slowly stretch the muscles to hopefully where they belong. I am supposed to walk on it- and I can actually take it off- the day before my new one comes on. They will come in 2 colors- purple and blue- and for those who follow facebook page- the vote is in- its purple. But UG- IT CANT GET WET. Showers are gonna be-interesting. I don't like washing my hair in the sink. Afraid thats gonna have to be the way now.
A lot has been going through my mind since Friday and I have been keeping it to myself, because we are struggling with a family member who has just been told he needs surgery for cancer- and well- that trumps soft cast every day.(update: surgery a success- simple basal cell skin cancer! Corrected and done)
Truth be told, I haven't been able  to finish this post..it is now the night before and I have procrastinated doing all the things I said I would: write about whats going on in my head, buy the big shoe for the cast and of course- paint my toes! They are gonna have to be pretty for all of my pictures!
First and foremost, and heavy on my mind is my "adjustment period" How will I be able to do: walking, showering, cleaning, climbing stairs, sigh, I know its just a soft cast, but a disabled person is always assessing the "how" in the way things are supposed to be done...and then adapt accordingly. I also have been dealing with the worry, that it won't really correct, and they may suggest another alternative...surgery. So my prayers are to correction....and to that end, I am so glad and grateful to be at that point in this journey, that had me sort of  running a 5 k last May(deformed mind you!), to almost complete foot drag/limp when I mop a stupid floor. My PT says that has to go under my husband's "honey do list" for a while. We had a good laugh about that. He told me to tell Hubby its in the "fine print". Funny guy.  And yes, kids, I mopped today. Control freak that I am. I hate that so much is being TAKEN  from me. And no, don't love that chore. But man, I love having control over the little things!
On a total girl note-and trust me, I know how shallow this sounds- I HATE ORTHOPEDIC SHOES.  Come on people....just because a person has to wear these shoes does NOT  mean they can't be CUTE  for heaven's sake!!!! Black, white and tan leather-  DYE DOES NOT CHANGE FUNCTIONALITY ! Spice it up a bit and add a funky shoe lace- for the love of ! And I am specifically talking about shoes that a brace fits in guys....I know there are brands out there that cater to foot issues:I was wearing a pair the orthapedist said would no longer work once I got my brace! ....but I have to have laceup shoes that my brace will fit it for the rest of my life. And don't get me started on the gross sandals.  
I am tired a lot lately. Tired and frustrated, and emotional. It sucks to have stuff that you have to work on, and  it sucks worse when its not just PHYSICAL STUFF. When it rains, it pours, and I am being rained on so I had best listen to the One Above-and do what I am told.
To finish off, I have taken to heart what my Bishop suggested over the pulpit and start a scripture journal while I read the scriptures. Been grateful for that advise as I spent THREE DAYS  researching discerning truth from starting in the Book of Mormon Alma Chapter 30. Wow...what a joy.... next up-Chapter 31: theme:Power of Prayer...does anyone see the significance that this is what I am gleaning? Additionally- Chapter 32 is tomorrow- yes folks- the theme: its on FAITH....HM. Think my Heavenly Father is trying to tell me something. You see, through it all, I know that Heavenly Father loves me. He has taken care of my needs and brought me to this place. I have shed my tears- and by golly will prolly always hate ugly shoes, but at the end, I am so blessed to have this gift of life. Here's my  pottery parable for you...because when I hear the word cast- I think pottery...thanks to my Sister in law Margaret- for inspiring me!
 If we wish to be cast in an image  like our older brother- Jesus Christ-He  who had felt every  fire of trial and pain , and then become like him, who are we to say- no, we cannot take the fire? If then, we do not go to the fire and  accept our trials, we simply stay as clay- unfinished , untried, and sometimes unbroken-still we have been formed by Master Potter.  But we can become beautiful in that fire- with glorious mixtures of color that would have only been seen by being fired with different agents of trial. We become like others who have gone through that same experience- and we are like them. We can empathize, and understand in a way others would not.  And sometimes, dears, like my sister in laws statue, we are tried too a long time in that kiln of life-perhaps by sin and we become cracked, not what we expected, sometimes with a different look or color than expected. Still, if we can come out of it, and love ourselves for what we have become, instead of wishing for that prettier color- or "perfect uncracked cast" we truly see ourselves like our Heavenly Father does, and He gave us his Son who came down to atone for not only our sins but our pain. If we accept that only through Him we can become beautiful: In that moment- he can heal the crack, and make it stronger than it was before. We become perfect in our simple deformed state , and the Master Potter loves all His pieces, and the broken ones He loves because those he held in His hands and He fixed them. Feel free to comment . I hope you have a glorious Friday- looking forward to posting  on my Purple cast!

NO MORE EXCUSES!

I keep "planning " on writing. I have made many resolutions in the past, but this year, it is get organized, stay organized, and NO MORE EXCUSES!
 I have in the last few months, weathered some personal storms and come out fighting. I need to start writing more, but January was dedicated to home organization...not quite there yet, but thanks to Pinterest, I am well on my way. It is so true...there are really no new ideas! So many talented women out there!!!I feel blessed to be in this day and age of technology.

This month I have started ordering from Farm Fresh to You, a local Organic Farm that delivers fresh fruits and veggies to your door!  In season!  I got my first order today and Eva has already eaten 2 CARROTS! And its not even 11 yet!
I am encouraging  myself and my family to eat these fresh fruits and veggies, instead of other things. Even thinking about a juicer....anyone ever juice? What are your thoughts?
How do you make veggies taste good in a juice?
Today is shop day, and I am procrastinating. I guess I better get to it!
Its good to be in a New Year...heres to 2012

Long Time Coming-so its a long one!

So its been four and a half months since my last post...and its a wonder to me. I will be so very simply honest. My handicap and medical issues have forced my  family to live with only one salary. That happening caused us to lose our house. We are now renting a beautiful home, which I love very much, but there was a lot of grieving to be done with that loss. I can barely even speak of it now. There has never been a time in my life where my name was written on a piece of paper that this land was mine to cultivate...and cultivate we did....now I will enrich other land...but it won't be mine. I will have my time again. Just need to be patient.
My gift for my injuries has been to be home with my daughter. I have been truly aware of what the time I took away at my job did to both me and her. To stay at home was never a option, we could just never afford it, but when you physically cannot work, and you are being told over and over again, that your work is physically destroying the only hand you have, its time to reconsider your options.And my husband, renewed in the faith of his youth, has felt impressed that if I do not work, I will be able to keep the use of my hand  for longer than the doctors believe. So I am at home. I have a leave of absence from my job, and I am going to try and disability retire. There are no lies about my love for my coworkers or my job, but I need a life that gives me my physical health back...and that is one of a stay at home mom. It comes with great financial challenges. And we have to tighten our belts....but with my faith in my God firmly in grasp, I believe He is watching over our little family, and we will be just fine!
To be sure, I did not feel this way until about October, much of why I did not post on my blog to general public. I was a faithless, stubborn, petulant woman. And no one likes to have much of their ugly side  viewed really.
Phhysically, the run down is this... my left hand is ok when I don't do typing of fine motor skills for 6 hrs straight. Still have bad grasp- about 8 pounds maximum, still breaking glasses.(Note to self ask for cute plastic for my birthday hehe). My right leg still gives out. The MRI did not show injury.  I ventured in to some exercise,  and the results were ...I started losing control of my leg. I have recorded when this happens and its when I am in a hurry, or going to fast. So I am thinking perhaps my brains synapses aren't firing to the right side as quickly as they used to? Could I have had a mini stroke and not known?  The right side is only giving out sometimes... But I just truly injured myself pretty badly last Thursday when I fell down my new level stair to my kitchen and took the fall with my right knee and forehead to the fridge...and yes, there were more dishes to clean up...seriously! I have an appointment with my neurologist, in early December. It will be good to hear what she thinks!!
PATIENCE AND FAITH  seem to be the echoing themes of 2011 for me. Though I have never been particularly good with the first, the second truly was always a gift til this year.....when I have been tested time and again.
And with all the stress and change of losing money, a career, a house,and my running- a new life has begun for my husband and me.
 He, as I said before , has renewed his faith in the religion of his youth, the Church that I was baptized into 23 (eek almost 24 yrs ago). We belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or Mormons, as many commonly know us. Before he began to study the scriptures, my husband was very difficult to reach spiritually.  He believed there might  be a God. That was about it. He would make fun openly of the Church and spiritual things. But he respected me enough to let me have my faith. He would say religion is for women and old men.....He does not remember saying this. I will tell you that I NEVER  thought I would see him active in the Church in my lifetime. I guess you could say I had given up hope. I am writing this, because, if there is someone out there who  knows someone less active, PLEASE  never give up hope. Pray for them, love them anyways, and continue to live your faith.  MY HUSBAND IS A MIRACLE.  He is a changed man. He cannot tell you what it was that made him want to read the book of Mormon, but he can tell you that by the end of the first Book , the Spirit had taken hold of his heart and he has never been able to feel such peace, love and care from our Heavenly Father as He does when he reads that Book. His testimony that this Church is true grows day in and day out.  He is inspired and feels a great desire to do good...he has made changes so sweeping that it takes my breath away. And honestly, I am humbled , truly humbled by his desire to thoroughly search the Scriptures. He read Revelations in a DAY! We were on course as a couple to go to the Temple  and be sealed together and as a family. It meant, though we were married for this life, in the Temple we sealed by proper priesthood authority, to each other for eternity, and also our daughter can be sealed to us for eternity.Its called "celestial marriage" because we hope, if we live a good life, we can be together in heaven again... I love that term...seal-it means to me a bond that cannot be broken. And its my joy to say we were sealed on October 22, 2011 of this year.  We have a new life now, and not without challenges, but its a good life. We have much to be grateful for. And now I feel I have caught ya'll up! ;)

As any mother will tell you, the first time you hear or see your child's heartbeat, there is a moment of wonderous magic...and from that time forth, your heart literally belongs to them. We mothers wear our hearts on our sleeves most of time- ready and willing to give them up at even the slightest inclination of hurt or suffering. Its part of our gift as mothers really. To empathize and feel for others at their time of need. It is also a curse. Especially when your little child is going through their own suffering. Oh, that I could replace the pain. Oh, that I could take away the hurt.
This week, and especially Tuesday, my heart has been beating for my child. She had to undergo dental surgery.
At 8 months, she got her first tooth. The same week she broke her first tooth out of her gums, she tried to chew the marble coffee table and chipped her tooth. It progressively got worse, a cavity got into it, and it needed to be fixed. I looked forward to the sweet little white cap that the pediatric dentist told us about. I was excited for her to have no pain. But she was going under anesthesia and well, I was worried. I had to occupy her time all morning with out food and drink. We got there at 10:15, and we waited. And waited and waited.I was getting antsy.  At 12pm they finally started prepping her with a little happy drink- it does three things, causes her no worries that mommy and daddy arent there, is an amnesiac, and anti nausea medication for after the anethesia, many get sick to their stomachs.
The dentist told us he was probably going to remove the tooth. And he had to remove the other one as well, so that when the adult teeth came in, she would have a even smile-this was procedure and common.  It was causing her great amounts of pain. She would be so happy once it was gone. But I started to cry. Thank goodness my baby was well into the effects of her happy drink. Gone? BOTH OF THEM??  She is only 3!!!!
The dentist reassured us, and reminded us that it was our attitude that would affect the way she saw her lack of teeth, and of course, we knew we had to take the positive role. I could not watch them wheel my baby away from me. And so I fled, crying the whole of 5 minutes, whispering prayers the dentist would have a swift and careful hand and that they would be gentle with my child. And I can tell you there is an empty void in your chest when you are walking around with out your heart for a time. My husband and I tried to fill up the time. We needed to eat so we ate. Then we waited. And waited. After an hour my husband started bouncing his leg. With every leg bounce, my stomach churned. I begged him to stop. Two and a half hours later, we saw our  baby girl. She was a trooper. As predicted, by 7 pm she was pretty much normal, and short of a very 6 yr old smile, and some fabulous "Iron Man fillings", she is no worse for the wear. My heart is back in its rightful place. Attached to my sleeve, awaiting the next crisis.
Two thoughts kepts going round about my head during the day.
One: I felt great empathy and sympathy for any parent who has a child who must stay in the hospital for a time. What a heart wrenching and painful time for every one involved. How difficult it is to keep the little ones still and patient, and yet they endure. I am so grateful for my healthy child. I am so grateful that I was gifted with a piece of understanding of what moms go through who must suffer with their little ones. My love has been expanded for those moms.
Two: Even as I wish to place myself in my daughter's shoes to take away the pain, I know I cannot. By the laws of nature, that is impossible. So too, it was impossible for Heavenly Father to take away the bitter cup from His own child when that Perfect One begged  for it to be removed. But He sent His heart, in the form of an angel, to strengthen Him.
By the laws of nature, we cannot take away eachother's pain, but we can in fact live our lives to be the angels of strength, buoying up eachother, even at our weakest, most desperate moments. There was a family this week, that especially went out of their way to buoy us up. Our Savior has experienced all of our pain. It  is through Him that we can be eternally and truly comforted.

PIZZA EXPERIMENT

We are admitted pizza snobs in our home. We adore Round Table Pizza. We love the sauce( my hubby gets extra sauce! ) We love the thick crusty bread. But WE HATE THE PRICE. Because of our different tastes, Frank gets a pizza and I get a  pizza...and its about $24 a pop to have pizza night.  We have pizza night about 2 times a month. UGG. Thats $50 a month! Thats $600 a year! THATS A DISNEY VACATION kids!
So in the spirit of trying to SAVE MONEY......FRUGALITY CAN BE YOUR FRIEND PEOPLE....
Heres what I did for our first HOME MADE PIZZA NIGHT .... I needed to copy the sauce and the crust...so heres what I did:

Pizza Sauce Recipe

• 3(6 ounce) can tomato paste
• 10  ish fluid ounces warm water
• 3 teaspoon minced garlic (I used powdered garlic )
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar

2 teaspoon onion powder

• 2 teaspoon dried oregano
• 2 teaspoon dried marjoram
• 2 teaspoon dried basil
• 2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 2 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes
• Salt/black pepper  to taste

I mixed the paste and water first- I “eyed” it – using can to measure water and it must  STAY THICK SO IT STICKS TO YOUR SPOON WHEN TURNED UPSIDE DOWN.  

Then I added all of the dried ingredients – and added a bit more sugar and red pepper flakes to taste.

Please, please taste test your sauce. Then taste it again in an hour...adjust to your own liking. if you just CANT  taste cold sauce...warm it a bit in micro!

Then you gotta let the flavors marinate in the fridge at LEAST 2 HOURS.

Next time I will add cayenne pepper too- just a tad. My husband said it WAS REALLY AWESOME! He loved it. It is VERY CLOSE TO Round Table Pizza Sauce recipe . Sorry no pics… my computer is not reading my printer and I cant upload pics yet.

Please note- this made A LOT OF SAUCE -  we only used half- but I am planning on freezing the rest today for future use!

Crust wise, I totally cheated . I will be picking my friend’s brain and going scratch VERY SOON.

This time I used Rhodes rolls to make the crust. Thawed(I put frozen rolls covered w plastic wrap outside- the 90 degree heat thawed the rolls in NO TIME!)  and rolled together then rolled out and I pulled it so the crust part would be “thick crust”- Franks was 9 rolls mine was 7 rolls – think 9 inch pizza and 7 inch pizza.  I let Frank and my crust “rise” for 30 minutes after I put on the pan then put fork marks in the bottom to avoid bubble up.

(EVA WAS NOT WILLING TO WAIT-  we made hers with not risen crust in a pie tin- hers came out BEAUTIFUL IF A BIT BURNT... she ate the whole four inch pie!)

I will say that the bottom for Frank and my pizzas were  TOO SOGGY. Sad. I am gonna invest in that pizza stone now.   The crust part was so perfect fresh, yeasty, and thick- just like Round Tables.

Please note use WHOLE MILK MOZZERELLA...  and perhaps mix up the cheeses a bit - mine was low fat, and didnt melt or string like I would have liked....Next time...Its gonna be pizza heaven!
Heres the price run down:
Rhodes Rolls bought 72 rolls for$5.98
used 20 rolls: $1.60
sauce cans 62 cents each-$1.86
spices had in my cupboard
used half of the mozzerella cheese - $3.00
tomato from garden -free
pepperoni $4.00 a pkg for 90 pepperoni we used like 20
about $1.00
Artichoke hearts about 6 est $1.00
total: about $8.46 for all of our pizzas!!! and it tastes sooooo much better than RT!!!!YAY!!!!!!
$31 DOLLARS SAVED EACH MONTH!

Lessons you learn..over and over again.

Have you ever seen a pattern in your life with certain circumstances popping up?
 For example, I used to fall in love with men who just wanted to be friends. I was the perpetual friend. They were all top notched men- with all of my favorite qualities...and they had something else in common...they just wanted to be my friend. Aside from this being one of the MOST IRRITATING  parts of my 20's and a bit of 30, I did not let it tarnish my self esteem. Early on in my"dating"   journey, I was given information which I know to be of a spiritual nature that I should LEARN from all of the men who entered into my life as they all had something to teach me. I took it to heart. The first taught me something I will NEVER BE ABLE TO REPAY: The knowledge the Heavenly Father walks with those who suffer, and that our Savior knows like only the sufferer does the exquisite pain they feel. Finally, after years of feeling alone, I knew I never was alone - nor will I ever be again..
The second taught me to marry a man who respected work and had a job that could provide for a family. Oh, and you can't fix broken people by loving them.
The third taught me I was beautiful just the way I was.
The fourth oh, the fourth. Well. He taught me that priesthood power is truly about loving and caring for others. Seeing the needs of others before your own. He literally clothed me when I was cold. Again. Another gift I can never repay.
And the fifth. RIGHT before MR Right. HA. Mr number 5. Five is my lucky number. But we werent lucky. He was the ultimate in just wanted to be friends. But with benefits. He taught me that true love means saying goodbye when you know that your man won't commit to marriage. Yup.
Then I met My dear Hubby. I know we were meant to be. And I keep learning from him.
But back to our lessons that keep repeating themselves. I will own a few of mine. My handicap/disability  gets in my way- then I get fussy, angry, impatient. I am prideful, then I get bummed. I want to have it my way. I want to do it my way. I am independent by golly. But it doesnt always go my way. I am not independent. I need more love,  peace, patience.  HMMMMM.  My psych major friend is gonna have a hay day with this blog... anywhooooo. My disability is my outward handicap and  when I have problems it magnifies EVERYTHING I do wrong in life. It is my greatest teacher. I have learned so much from it. I am so much more because of it. I am empathetic, caring, kind and I love people.  I see ways of doing things that others do not - because I always have to figure out how to do the same others are doing - just with one hand and 1.5 legs . Ya, I got 2 legs, but well the right one is squirrely!  I have to be patient sometimes, cuz well, How else are you gonna braid a 3 yr olds hair with one hand? Yup, I button my pants with one hand too- thats my litmus tester to all my friends- spend one whole day just putting your clothes on and off with one hand...going to the bathroom, etc. I love hearing what people say after they have done that....go ahead. TRY IT. JUST TRY NOT TO DO IT IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS...hahaha
 I have turned as I always do when stressed to my peace- my Heavenly Father's words . The Scriptures. May I just partially repeat 1 Cornithians 13: Charity suffereth long,doth not behave unseemly,is not easily provolked,beareth all things,believeth all things , hopeth all things, endureth all things .
Then I watched a religious show where the wife asked her husband- which of these is you? OPPS.  nice way to put your beloved on the spot. I do NOT RECOMMEND  THAT. I can honestly say all I could think was "WELL  I got some work to do." Lessons. I need patience. I need to be less quick to anger. I need humility. My list feels eternal to me. Like in my heart I always have been one who is passionate-but not always in the good way  and in the prexistence I was too. And Heavenly Father said, "Hun, I have JUST THE TEST FOR YOU! "And finally vs 12 comes as we perfect ourselves: "For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then I shall know even as I am known." The bliss of knowing we can become even as Heavenly Father sees us. And so, with these lessons, I am thus trying to be stalwart and ENDURE TO THE END!