Hello. My name is Ruth and I love an ExMormon.
This will be a repeat affair for many of you. Bear with my story, if you stick with me you will see there is a purpose to it.
First, let me say I talked to my husband, the ExMormon in question, and he has agreed to let me share our story...so here goes!
I was as Molly Mormon as you can get, teaching Gospel Doctrine, attending temple once a week, loving my Mormon life. We met eleven years ago at a Church dance. I saw him immediately, wearing all black and looking FINE. I was so sure of myself during that time I waited for him to ask me to dance and when he didn't I went straight to him, and asked him. I was so sad he was inactive- I had a rule no inactive dating. I didn't go out with him right away. A disappointing date with a widower who spoke of his ex-wife the whole time led me to want to call someone ...fun. We went on our first date and became pretty inseparable. I was struggling at the time with the way people acted in the church, especially with older single sisters...I was a horrible 31...and here was this inactive guy who was just so sweet. We fell madly in love and got married a little over a year after we met.
I had become inactive during out courtship but a spiritual experience led me back to the Church about a year after we were married. I asked my husband if it was ok. He assured me it was. He said and joked, I always knew I would marry a Mormon girl. He supported my choices, but never came. We settled into life. Five years ago we had a beautiful baby girl, and he did not feel comfortable coming back to church to decide for himself if it was true. We had her blessed by his father. He was supportive of that as well.
I would invite the missionaries to dinner, which he liked, but it was always a bit uncomfortable. Until one fateful day about two years ago, he asked them a question about how he would discover the truth himself. He was given a scripture, and from that day forward, became immersed in the Book of Mormon. He read it extremely fast. He started meeting with missionaries and then started coming to Church. He was changing. He seemed happier. His understanding of the scriptures astounded many..he had a way of explaining it that made you feel like you were there. His spiritual side was amazing . That whole time I was scared. Scared he would stop. I resisted the change because I was afraid he would turn one day and say its all a lie. I didn't want that. He decided he wanted more. He wanted the Priesthood, he wanted to do what he could to go to the temple with me. Everything moved extremely fast, and while I was so very happy for him, I could not help but worry. That worry dissolved when we were sealed to our daughter October 2011. Someone referred to me as getting "the golden ticket". I felt unsure as to why I was so blessed to have this wondrous change in my family, but I embraced it. In my head started planning future temple trips around the country, going on Church History vacations....I was so excited.
Then, a week after our anniversary June 2012, as quickly as he came back to the Church, he told me my worst fear, that he thought Joseph Smith and everything related to the Church was a lie. He had been studying on many Ex-Mormon websites and he felt the historical facts he discovered far outweighed any spiritual feelings he had. I was devastated. My whole world did indeed collapse and shatter. That same week his entire mouth filled with canker sores- his feelings of betrayal manifested so deeply I believe, his body rebelled.We have both felt anger, betrayal and distrust that wasn't and hasn't been easy for either of us. That was the beginning of a year that has tested our strength and resolve. We love each other, but at times, it felt like love wasn't enough. We currently still feel that love is enough, but am saddened but what "support" I have found online for those of us who love our Ex-Mormon spouses. The bulk of it seems unfair and biased, and I want a safe haven for those of us who want to navigate our lives with people who simply do not believe the same way we do. So I am taking the bull by the horns and I am creating a Facebook Group....I love an ExMormon. I am hoping it provides a support where we who are as the Exes call us TBMS(true blue mormons), can talk, support and find some answers to questions about everyday life. How to discuss with out arguing, how to deal with differences in raising our children, how to just deal. And I am blogging to open it up to those who may not know me. The Group is for anyone who loves an ExMormon. I hope you can feel that I want this place to be a place of peace, love and answers, no contention, judgement and hate are going to be accepted.
