As any mother will tell you, the first time you hear or see your child's heartbeat, there is a moment of wonderous magic...and from that time forth, your heart literally belongs to them. We mothers wear our hearts on our sleeves most of time- ready and willing to give them up at even the slightest inclination of hurt or suffering. Its part of our gift as mothers really. To empathize and feel for others at their time of need. It is also a curse. Especially when your little child is going through their own suffering. Oh, that I could replace the pain. Oh, that I could take away the hurt.
This week, and especially Tuesday, my heart has been beating for my child. She had to undergo dental surgery.
At 8 months, she got her first tooth. The same week she broke her first tooth out of her gums, she tried to chew the marble coffee table and chipped her tooth. It progressively got worse, a cavity got into it, and it needed to be fixed. I looked forward to the sweet little white cap that the pediatric dentist told us about. I was excited for her to have no pain. But she was going under anesthesia and well, I was worried. I had to occupy her time all morning with out food and drink. We got there at 10:15, and we waited. And waited and waited.I was getting antsy. At 12pm they finally started prepping her with a little happy drink- it does three things, causes her no worries that mommy and daddy arent there, is an amnesiac, and anti nausea medication for after the anethesia, many get sick to their stomachs.
The dentist told us he was probably going to remove the tooth. And he had to remove the other one as well, so that when the adult teeth came in, she would have a even smile-this was procedure and common. It was causing her great amounts of pain. She would be so happy once it was gone. But I started to cry. Thank goodness my baby was well into the effects of her happy drink. Gone? BOTH OF THEM?? She is only 3!!!!
The dentist reassured us, and reminded us that it was our attitude that would affect the way she saw her lack of teeth, and of course, we knew we had to take the positive role. I could not watch them wheel my baby away from me. And so I fled, crying the whole of 5 minutes, whispering prayers the dentist would have a swift and careful hand and that they would be gentle with my child. And I can tell you there is an empty void in your chest when you are walking around with out your heart for a time. My husband and I tried to fill up the time. We needed to eat so we ate. Then we waited. And waited. After an hour my husband started bouncing his leg. With every leg bounce, my stomach churned. I begged him to stop. Two and a half hours later, we saw our baby girl. She was a trooper. As predicted, by 7 pm she was pretty much normal, and short of a very 6 yr old smile, and some fabulous "Iron Man fillings", she is no worse for the wear. My heart is back in its rightful place. Attached to my sleeve, awaiting the next crisis.
Two thoughts kepts going round about my head during the day.
One: I felt great empathy and sympathy for any parent who has a child who must stay in the hospital for a time. What a heart wrenching and painful time for every one involved. How difficult it is to keep the little ones still and patient, and yet they endure. I am so grateful for my healthy child. I am so grateful that I was gifted with a piece of understanding of what moms go through who must suffer with their little ones. My love has been expanded for those moms.
Two: Even as I wish to place myself in my daughter's shoes to take away the pain, I know I cannot. By the laws of nature, that is impossible. So too, it was impossible for Heavenly Father to take away the bitter cup from His own child when that Perfect One begged for it to be removed. But He sent His heart, in the form of an angel, to strengthen Him.
By the laws of nature, we cannot take away eachother's pain, but we can in fact live our lives to be the angels of strength, buoying up eachother, even at our weakest, most desperate moments. There was a family this week, that especially went out of their way to buoy us up. Our Savior has experienced all of our pain. It is through Him that we can be eternally and truly comforted.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
PIZZA EXPERIMENT
We are admitted pizza snobs in our home. We adore Round Table Pizza. We love the sauce( my hubby gets extra sauce! ) We love the thick crusty bread. But WE HATE THE PRICE. Because of our different tastes, Frank gets a pizza and I get a pizza...and its about $24 a pop to have pizza night. We have pizza night about 2 times a month. UGG. Thats $50 a month! Thats $600 a year! THATS A DISNEY VACATION kids!
So in the spirit of trying to SAVE MONEY......FRUGALITY CAN BE YOUR FRIEND PEOPLE....
Heres what I did for our first HOME MADE PIZZA NIGHT .... I needed to copy the sauce and the crust...so heres what I did:
Heres the price run down:
Rhodes Rolls bought 72 rolls for$5.98
used 20 rolls: $1.60
sauce cans 62 cents each-$1.86
spices had in my cupboard
used half of the mozzerella cheese - $3.00
tomato from garden -free
pepperoni $4.00 a pkg for 90 pepperoni we used like 20
about $1.00
Artichoke hearts about 6 est $1.00
total: about $8.46 for all of our pizzas!!! and it tastes sooooo much better than RT!!!!YAY!!!!!!
$31 DOLLARS SAVED EACH MONTH!
So in the spirit of trying to SAVE MONEY......FRUGALITY CAN BE YOUR FRIEND PEOPLE....
Heres what I did for our first HOME MADE PIZZA NIGHT .... I needed to copy the sauce and the crust...so heres what I did:
Pizza Sauce Recipe
- 3(6 ounce) can tomato paste
- 10 ish fluid ounces warm water
- 3 teaspoon minced garlic (I used powdered garlic )
- 3 tablespoons brown sugar
2 teaspoon onion powder
- 2 teaspoon dried oregano
- 2 teaspoon dried marjoram
- 2 teaspoon dried basil
- 2 teaspoon ground black pepper
- 2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
- 2 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes
- Salt/black pepper to taste
I mixed the paste and water first- I “eyed” it – using can to measure water and it must STAY THICK SO IT STICKS TO YOUR SPOON WHEN TURNED UPSIDE DOWN.
Then I added all of the dried ingredients – and added a bit more sugar and red pepper flakes to taste.
Please, please taste test your sauce. Then taste it again in an hour...adjust to your own liking. if you just CANT taste cold sauce...warm it a bit in micro!
Then you gotta let the flavors marinate in the fridge at LEAST 2 HOURS.
Next time I will add cayenne pepper too- just a tad. My husband said it WAS REALLY AWESOME! He loved it. It is VERY CLOSE TO Round Table Pizza Sauce recipe . Sorry no pics… my computer is not reading my printer and I cant upload pics yet.
Please note- this made A LOT OF SAUCE - we only used half- but I am planning on freezing the rest today for future use!
Crust wise, I totally cheated . I will be picking my friend’s brain and going scratch VERY SOON.
This time I used Rhodes rolls to make the crust. Thawed(I put frozen rolls covered w plastic wrap outside- the 90 degree heat thawed the rolls in NO TIME!) and rolled together then rolled out and I pulled it so the crust part would be “thick crust”- Franks was 9 rolls mine was 7 rolls – think 9 inch pizza and 7 inch pizza. I let Frank and my crust “rise” for 30 minutes after I put on the pan then put fork marks in the bottom to avoid bubble up.
(EVA WAS NOT WILLING TO WAIT- we made hers with not risen crust in a pie tin- hers came out BEAUTIFUL IF A BIT BURNT... she ate the whole four inch pie!)
I will say that the bottom for Frank and my pizzas were TOO SOGGY. Sad. I am gonna invest in that pizza stone now. The crust part was so perfect fresh, yeasty, and thick- just like Round Tables.
Please note use WHOLE MILK MOZZERELLA... and perhaps mix up the cheeses a bit - mine was low fat, and didnt melt or string like I would have liked....Next time...Its gonna be pizza heaven! Heres the price run down:
Rhodes Rolls bought 72 rolls for$5.98
used 20 rolls: $1.60
sauce cans 62 cents each-$1.86
spices had in my cupboard
used half of the mozzerella cheese - $3.00
tomato from garden -free
pepperoni $4.00 a pkg for 90 pepperoni we used like 20
about $1.00
Artichoke hearts about 6 est $1.00
total: about $8.46 for all of our pizzas!!! and it tastes sooooo much better than RT!!!!YAY!!!!!!
$31 DOLLARS SAVED EACH MONTH!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Lessons you learn..over and over again.
Have you ever seen a pattern in your life with certain circumstances popping up?
For example, I used to fall in love with men who just wanted to be friends. I was the perpetual friend. They were all top notched men- with all of my favorite qualities...and they had something else in common...they just wanted to be my friend. Aside from this being one of the MOST IRRITATING parts of my 20's and a bit of 30, I did not let it tarnish my self esteem. Early on in my"dating" journey, I was given information which I know to be of a spiritual nature that I should LEARN from all of the men who entered into my life as they all had something to teach me. I took it to heart. The first taught me something I will NEVER BE ABLE TO REPAY: The knowledge the Heavenly Father walks with those who suffer, and that our Savior knows like only the sufferer does the exquisite pain they feel. Finally, after years of feeling alone, I knew I never was alone - nor will I ever be again..
The second taught me to marry a man who respected work and had a job that could provide for a family. Oh, and you can't fix broken people by loving them.
The third taught me I was beautiful just the way I was.
The fourth oh, the fourth. Well. He taught me that priesthood power is truly about loving and caring for others. Seeing the needs of others before your own. He literally clothed me when I was cold. Again. Another gift I can never repay.
And the fifth. RIGHT before MR Right. HA. Mr number 5. Five is my lucky number. But we werent lucky. He was the ultimate in just wanted to be friends. But with benefits. He taught me that true love means saying goodbye when you know that your man won't commit to marriage. Yup.
Then I met My dear Hubby. I know we were meant to be. And I keep learning from him.
But back to our lessons that keep repeating themselves. I will own a few of mine. My handicap/disability gets in my way- then I get fussy, angry, impatient. I am prideful, then I get bummed. I want to have it my way. I want to do it my way. I am independent by golly. But it doesnt always go my way. I am not independent. I need more love, peace, patience. HMMMMM. My psych major friend is gonna have a hay day with this blog... anywhooooo. My disability is my outward handicap and when I have problems it magnifies EVERYTHING I do wrong in life. It is my greatest teacher. I have learned so much from it. I am so much more because of it. I am empathetic, caring, kind and I love people. I see ways of doing things that others do not - because I always have to figure out how to do the same others are doing - just with one hand and 1.5 legs . Ya, I got 2 legs, but well the right one is squirrely! I have to be patient sometimes, cuz well, How else are you gonna braid a 3 yr olds hair with one hand? Yup, I button my pants with one hand too- thats my litmus tester to all my friends- spend one whole day just putting your clothes on and off with one hand...going to the bathroom, etc. I love hearing what people say after they have done that....go ahead. TRY IT. JUST TRY NOT TO DO IT IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS...hahaha
I have turned as I always do when stressed to my peace- my Heavenly Father's words . The Scriptures. May I just partially repeat 1 Cornithians 13: Charity suffereth long,doth not behave unseemly,is not easily provolked,beareth all things,believeth all things , hopeth all things, endureth all things .
Then I watched a religious show where the wife asked her husband- which of these is you? OPPS. nice way to put your beloved on the spot. I do NOT RECOMMEND THAT. I can honestly say all I could think was "WELL I got some work to do." Lessons. I need patience. I need to be less quick to anger. I need humility. My list feels eternal to me. Like in my heart I always have been one who is passionate-but not always in the good way and in the prexistence I was too. And Heavenly Father said, "Hun, I have JUST THE TEST FOR YOU! "And finally vs 12 comes as we perfect ourselves: "For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then I shall know even as I am known." The bliss of knowing we can become even as Heavenly Father sees us. And so, with these lessons, I am thus trying to be stalwart and ENDURE TO THE END!
For example, I used to fall in love with men who just wanted to be friends. I was the perpetual friend. They were all top notched men- with all of my favorite qualities...and they had something else in common...they just wanted to be my friend. Aside from this being one of the MOST IRRITATING parts of my 20's and a bit of 30, I did not let it tarnish my self esteem. Early on in my"dating" journey, I was given information which I know to be of a spiritual nature that I should LEARN from all of the men who entered into my life as they all had something to teach me. I took it to heart. The first taught me something I will NEVER BE ABLE TO REPAY: The knowledge the Heavenly Father walks with those who suffer, and that our Savior knows like only the sufferer does the exquisite pain they feel. Finally, after years of feeling alone, I knew I never was alone - nor will I ever be again..
The second taught me to marry a man who respected work and had a job that could provide for a family. Oh, and you can't fix broken people by loving them.
The third taught me I was beautiful just the way I was.
The fourth oh, the fourth. Well. He taught me that priesthood power is truly about loving and caring for others. Seeing the needs of others before your own. He literally clothed me when I was cold. Again. Another gift I can never repay.
And the fifth. RIGHT before MR Right. HA. Mr number 5. Five is my lucky number. But we werent lucky. He was the ultimate in just wanted to be friends. But with benefits. He taught me that true love means saying goodbye when you know that your man won't commit to marriage. Yup.
Then I met My dear Hubby. I know we were meant to be. And I keep learning from him.
But back to our lessons that keep repeating themselves. I will own a few of mine. My handicap/disability gets in my way- then I get fussy, angry, impatient. I am prideful, then I get bummed. I want to have it my way. I want to do it my way. I am independent by golly. But it doesnt always go my way. I am not independent. I need more love, peace, patience. HMMMMM. My psych major friend is gonna have a hay day with this blog... anywhooooo. My disability is my outward handicap and when I have problems it magnifies EVERYTHING I do wrong in life. It is my greatest teacher. I have learned so much from it. I am so much more because of it. I am empathetic, caring, kind and I love people. I see ways of doing things that others do not - because I always have to figure out how to do the same others are doing - just with one hand and 1.5 legs . Ya, I got 2 legs, but well the right one is squirrely! I have to be patient sometimes, cuz well, How else are you gonna braid a 3 yr olds hair with one hand? Yup, I button my pants with one hand too- thats my litmus tester to all my friends- spend one whole day just putting your clothes on and off with one hand...going to the bathroom, etc. I love hearing what people say after they have done that....go ahead. TRY IT. JUST TRY NOT TO DO IT IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS...hahaha
I have turned as I always do when stressed to my peace- my Heavenly Father's words . The Scriptures. May I just partially repeat 1 Cornithians 13: Charity suffereth long,doth not behave unseemly,is not easily provolked,beareth all things,believeth all things , hopeth all things, endureth all things .
Then I watched a religious show where the wife asked her husband- which of these is you? OPPS. nice way to put your beloved on the spot. I do NOT RECOMMEND THAT. I can honestly say all I could think was "WELL I got some work to do." Lessons. I need patience. I need to be less quick to anger. I need humility. My list feels eternal to me. Like in my heart I always have been one who is passionate-but not always in the good way and in the prexistence I was too. And Heavenly Father said, "Hun, I have JUST THE TEST FOR YOU! "And finally vs 12 comes as we perfect ourselves: "For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then I shall know even as I am known." The bliss of knowing we can become even as Heavenly Father sees us. And so, with these lessons, I am thus trying to be stalwart and ENDURE TO THE END!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Medical News
Well...on the broken body front.....
I have beeen referred to a WONDERFUL DOCTOR who handles CP and MS and other nuero problems on a regular basis. She gave me some very helpful information. I have hurt my affected leg. Due to that my CP has gone into "Overdrive" causing my leg to spasm, contract, and give me my fabulous limp drag that so resembles Quasi moto in Hunchback from Notre Dame. She assures me that injuries in people with CP exacerbate CP symptoms and she has me on NO ACTIVITY for a couple more weeks. She believes if I TOTALLY REDUCE MY ACTIVITY my leg should heal. And I cried as she told me NO MORE hard repetitive weight bearing activity. Never? No more running EVER? Not unless I want furthur injury, arthritis, Degenerative joint disease. She does not recommend it. So I cried.
Then she had me crying all over again as she told me my CTS in my left hand and arm is most likely Work related and needed to be dealt with through those channels.
She reminded me that typing jobs were not beneficial to my disability. Sigh.
"Ruth guess What you are disabled." I told her "I don't like to think of myself that way." She said why must you put such a negative connotation with it. It just is.
Then she gave me modified work duties, which I will not describe, but I cried again. Lets just say I am sucking through my time.
Patience.
More appointments tomorrow.
Did I mention I am not so good with change? Guess I should not have kept asking God for patience.
Gotta stop typing now.
More later.
I have beeen referred to a WONDERFUL DOCTOR who handles CP and MS and other nuero problems on a regular basis. She gave me some very helpful information. I have hurt my affected leg. Due to that my CP has gone into "Overdrive" causing my leg to spasm, contract, and give me my fabulous limp drag that so resembles Quasi moto in Hunchback from Notre Dame. She assures me that injuries in people with CP exacerbate CP symptoms and she has me on NO ACTIVITY for a couple more weeks. She believes if I TOTALLY REDUCE MY ACTIVITY my leg should heal. And I cried as she told me NO MORE hard repetitive weight bearing activity. Never? No more running EVER? Not unless I want furthur injury, arthritis, Degenerative joint disease. She does not recommend it. So I cried.
Then she had me crying all over again as she told me my CTS in my left hand and arm is most likely Work related and needed to be dealt with through those channels.
She reminded me that typing jobs were not beneficial to my disability. Sigh.
"Ruth guess What you are disabled." I told her "I don't like to think of myself that way." She said why must you put such a negative connotation with it. It just is.
Then she gave me modified work duties, which I will not describe, but I cried again. Lets just say I am sucking through my time.
Patience.
More appointments tomorrow.
Did I mention I am not so good with change? Guess I should not have kept asking God for patience.
Gotta stop typing now.
More later.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
cry baby WAH, WAH, WAH
So I have gotten myself into it this time. Like the good little overachiever I am I kept trying to run and then walk on a hurt right leg. Its a pulled muscle, get through it. Its shin splints get through it. And then, well, then my leg started giving out on me. Just weakness set in and lo and behold the leg crumbles, which causes a great limp drag effect , that help me feel very Hunch back From Notre Dame'ish, but has reduced my running, walking and now any , and I mean any weight bearing to a minimum. Like, I went from run/walking 2-3 miles every other day- to limping at 1/4 mile-once a week. The only thing that has resolved it is - total sedentary activity- also known as "A time " in my home....cuz you get to sit on your "A". I have been forced off work for a week and am awaiting my "rehab dr" to make an appointment. This is good as I also have been suffering with Carpal tunnel in my left hand, and well, its my bread and butter this hand. I kind of like it a lot. I kinda need it for EVERYTHING. And I CANNOT get to the surgery point. It will take 6 weeks to heal. And, well, that will make me a bit crazy.
So understandably feeling benched, and for the first time in my ADULT life ACTUALLY RESENTFUL of my broken body. Feeling real sensitive too as my "Quasi status" has made me limp more in public and YA people stare at girls who limp. Wish I could say it was my cute face. But its not. By the way, staring is rude. I no likey people who stare. They are usually the pitiers. ug .
Now dont forget, I was liking my running. It was empowering me. When i was feeling all emotionally yuck I could have a little cry during my run and things seemed fresh. Like a good rain cleanse. Not to mention, with my broken CP body, I felt in control. Well. FELT is the key word. Not sure they will "recommend this excercise for me. Prolly get the Pansy why dont you swim response. UG. I am currently hating that idea. By the way. As an extra rant. People with CP are HYPER SENSITIVE. I mean physically. Random stuff makes our muscles contract and spasm(yes that has increased with me.) And guess what, I am not a bit fan of super hot and super cold. And because I was in a mood, I saw someone putting ICE on a small child with CP recently. I wanted to scream. Now the adult thought the child liked it.Perhaps he did. But I wonder. I know i would hate that. He offered me the ice. I politely declined. The Child was not mine. Or I would have gone all mama bear on him. I know how cranky I have been lately, so I just let it go. But it has been bugging me for a whole day. And my adult brain tells me to stay out of peoples business. But well, being all spasmy and contracturey- I could barely watch the little activity. Maybe I need my run therapy. Oh ya, I DO.
I have cried a lot today. My child is off with ONE her favorite aunts for the first time sleep over. It is GREAT STRUGGLE NOT to get in the car and grab her and race her home...into the safety of my capture sack. Shes fine. I AM A MESS.
TODAY we stayed home waiting for my brother to come get his stuff ...he finally moved out. HES THRILLED soooooo HAPPY. And we are happy for him. But today there have been just too many changes to my nice little routine. And I wanted to cry baby a bit.
Now for my blessings, cuz I have quite a few.
1. Frank's testimony is growing leaps and bounds. He is amazing me not just with his love for the scripture but how easily he is applying them to his and my life . This is HUGE.and he is GREAT BLESSING
2.Its a SMALL THING but I have been praying for my little decrepit zucchini to grow and I got a real zucchini today!
3. my little E is a happy healthy little girl on DAY 5 of complete potty training ! Thanks to a little hamster named skittles. Story another time.
4. 2nd to my brother leaving the nest- I get a real live craft room. I have been checking out paint and ideas online.
5. I have a great support system of friends and family who listen to me crybaby a bit and a few who know when to figuratively smack me out of it!
this is me. Hoping for some help from above to ACCEPT WHAT I CANNOT CHANGE!
sincerely quasi
So understandably feeling benched, and for the first time in my ADULT life ACTUALLY RESENTFUL of my broken body. Feeling real sensitive too as my "Quasi status" has made me limp more in public and YA people stare at girls who limp. Wish I could say it was my cute face. But its not. By the way, staring is rude. I no likey people who stare. They are usually the pitiers. ug .
Now dont forget, I was liking my running. It was empowering me. When i was feeling all emotionally yuck I could have a little cry during my run and things seemed fresh. Like a good rain cleanse. Not to mention, with my broken CP body, I felt in control. Well. FELT is the key word. Not sure they will "recommend this excercise for me. Prolly get the Pansy why dont you swim response. UG. I am currently hating that idea. By the way. As an extra rant. People with CP are HYPER SENSITIVE. I mean physically. Random stuff makes our muscles contract and spasm(yes that has increased with me.) And guess what, I am not a bit fan of super hot and super cold. And because I was in a mood, I saw someone putting ICE on a small child with CP recently. I wanted to scream. Now the adult thought the child liked it.Perhaps he did. But I wonder. I know i would hate that. He offered me the ice. I politely declined. The Child was not mine. Or I would have gone all mama bear on him. I know how cranky I have been lately, so I just let it go. But it has been bugging me for a whole day. And my adult brain tells me to stay out of peoples business. But well, being all spasmy and contracturey- I could barely watch the little activity. Maybe I need my run therapy. Oh ya, I DO.
I have cried a lot today. My child is off with ONE her favorite aunts for the first time sleep over. It is GREAT STRUGGLE NOT to get in the car and grab her and race her home...into the safety of my capture sack. Shes fine. I AM A MESS.
TODAY we stayed home waiting for my brother to come get his stuff ...he finally moved out. HES THRILLED soooooo HAPPY. And we are happy for him. But today there have been just too many changes to my nice little routine. And I wanted to cry baby a bit.
Now for my blessings, cuz I have quite a few.
1. Frank's testimony is growing leaps and bounds. He is amazing me not just with his love for the scripture but how easily he is applying them to his and my life . This is HUGE.and he is GREAT BLESSING
2.Its a SMALL THING but I have been praying for my little decrepit zucchini to grow and I got a real zucchini today!
3. my little E is a happy healthy little girl on DAY 5 of complete potty training ! Thanks to a little hamster named skittles. Story another time.
4. 2nd to my brother leaving the nest- I get a real live craft room. I have been checking out paint and ideas online.
5. I have a great support system of friends and family who listen to me crybaby a bit and a few who know when to figuratively smack me out of it!
this is me. Hoping for some help from above to ACCEPT WHAT I CANNOT CHANGE!
sincerely quasi
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