So I have gotten myself into it this time. Like the good little overachiever I am I kept trying to run and then walk on a hurt right leg. Its a pulled muscle, get through it. Its shin splints get through it. And then, well, then my leg started giving out on me. Just weakness set in and lo and behold the leg crumbles, which causes a great limp drag effect , that help me feel very Hunch back From Notre Dame'ish, but has reduced my running, walking and now any , and I mean any weight bearing to a minimum. Like, I went from run/walking 2-3 miles every other day- to limping at 1/4 mile-once a week. The only thing that has resolved it is - total sedentary activity- also known as "A time " in my home....cuz you get to sit on your "A". I have been forced off work for a week and am awaiting my "rehab dr" to make an appointment. This is good as I also have been suffering with Carpal tunnel in my left hand, and well, its my bread and butter this hand. I kind of like it a lot. I kinda need it for EVERYTHING. And I CANNOT get to the surgery point. It will take 6 weeks to heal. And, well, that will make me a bit crazy.
So understandably feeling benched, and for the first time in my ADULT life ACTUALLY RESENTFUL of my broken body. Feeling real sensitive too as my "Quasi status" has made me limp more in public and YA people stare at girls who limp. Wish I could say it was my cute face. But its not. By the way, staring is rude. I no likey people who stare. They are usually the pitiers. ug .
Now dont forget, I was liking my running. It was empowering me. When i was feeling all emotionally yuck I could have a little cry during my run and things seemed fresh. Like a good rain cleanse. Not to mention, with my broken CP body, I felt in control. Well. FELT is the key word. Not sure they will "recommend this excercise for me. Prolly get the Pansy why dont you swim response. UG. I am currently hating that idea. By the way. As an extra rant. People with CP are HYPER SENSITIVE. I mean physically. Random stuff makes our muscles contract and spasm(yes that has increased with me.) And guess what, I am not a bit fan of super hot and super cold. And because I was in a mood, I saw someone putting ICE on a small child with CP recently. I wanted to scream. Now the adult thought the child liked it.Perhaps he did. But I wonder. I know i would hate that. He offered me the ice. I politely declined. The Child was not mine. Or I would have gone all mama bear on him. I know how cranky I have been lately, so I just let it go. But it has been bugging me for a whole day. And my adult brain tells me to stay out of peoples business. But well, being all spasmy and contracturey- I could barely watch the little activity. Maybe I need my run therapy. Oh ya, I DO.
I have cried a lot today. My child is off with ONE her favorite aunts for the first time sleep over. It is GREAT STRUGGLE NOT to get in the car and grab her and race her home...into the safety of my capture sack. Shes fine. I AM A MESS.
TODAY we stayed home waiting for my brother to come get his stuff ...he finally moved out. HES THRILLED soooooo HAPPY. And we are happy for him. But today there have been just too many changes to my nice little routine. And I wanted to cry baby a bit.
Now for my blessings, cuz I have quite a few.
1. Frank's testimony is growing leaps and bounds. He is amazing me not just with his love for the scripture but how easily he is applying them to his and my life . This is HUGE.and he is GREAT BLESSING
2.Its a SMALL THING but I have been praying for my little decrepit zucchini to grow and I got a real zucchini today!
3. my little E is a happy healthy little girl on DAY 5 of complete potty training ! Thanks to a little hamster named skittles. Story another time.
4. 2nd to my brother leaving the nest- I get a real live craft room. I have been checking out paint and ideas online.
5. I have a great support system of friends and family who listen to me crybaby a bit and a few who know when to figuratively smack me out of it!
this is me. Hoping for some help from above to ACCEPT WHAT I CANNOT CHANGE!
sincerely quasi
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