Story Time-I am a pretty princess!

I often think as if there were stories always happening. I love to compare things. I love parables. I love nuances. I love a really good story that pulls me out of my day to day existence and transports me. Makes me think. Makes me wonder. And heres a few thoughts I have been having....

Side note:My daughter recently gave me insight to the way she thinks. And she thinks in stories too...except her stories are so much better than mine, because she puts stories to music. Every song she hears creates in her imagination a story to go with it. I feel honored to get a little insight to what she thinks about. As a parent, so much of my day to day is devoted to the care and feeding and cleaning. Have you ever really thought about what THEY  are thinking about? I have and now I know....she lives a much more colorful life!

And I have been thinking a lot about my story, and her story and her father's story...and our story. 

And how as we grow up really imagining our fantasy life...our fairy tale if you will.

I was recently talking to someone and said something to the effect of "it isn't your typical fairy tale story" and she said...."WHOSE IS? " This is so profound, because we are all the pretty princesses who just want to marry Prince Charming and live happily ever after. Well thats what I have always wanted! 

Sometimes, happily ever after feels like a lie or a joke. Ever feel that way?  

Some of us start off more like the ugly step sister, some of us never get a Prince Charming, some of us lose our Prince Charming. Some of us never have children, or struggle to just have one, only to be asked why not have more, there are those who  lose our children to early to death, or we have children born with disabilities or mental illness.  We are faced with our Princes going to school, getting multiple jobs,  losing their jobs, and family members passing on way too early.  We have to juggle jobs in and outside of the house, often trying to keep that pretty princess smile plastered on our faces, hoping no one sees how truly exhausted we are! There are a million trials I haven't even begun to name...but you can, because you just thought of something YOU ARE GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW.

 Our idea of how our life is supposed to be at any given moment is really not unfolding the way WE THINK IT SHOULD. And ladies and gents  I am going to set you free .....IT NEVER DOES. NO ONE  gets the golden ticket. If you think someones life is free from strife and heartache, you just have NOT LIVED LONG ENOUGH.

Here is the magic, and it does exist...the fairy tale is truly believing in  and loving the LIFE YOU HAVE.  Right now. This moment. And if you are experiencing a trial YOU can change, know that you and only  YOU Have the ability to make that happen. 

My Grandma in law is 95. She suffers from dementia, and some alzheimers, and a laundry list of physical stuff...cuz shes 95. And she has HAD A HARD, TOUGH life. She worked HARD  next to her husband in the fields. She lost every single baby she gave birth to except one, and I cant remember but I know it was at least 8 babies. She and her husband did not agree on religion, but from what everyone says, they were well suited for each other. Working hard and living hard, they took care of each other. The family talks fondly of them wearing stocking caps on their heads at night and how vicks vapo rub cured many a illness. Her husband passed many years ago, which she has currently forgotten, and she calls out to him in a litany of her husband's name, saying "hurry"..."hurry"... "hurry". The running joke is Papa was never fast at anything, and Grandma was always impatient...even now...shes bossin him to hurry it up. 

So if you are troubled, or going through something especially difficult let me just tell you...its hard, it might even get harder...but at the end of the hard trial you will have survived. 

I love a good story. And what good fairy tale doesn't have a few dragons to slay. Do you know why the story always ends at happily ever after? Cuz that part is BORING.  Everyone wants to know how people survived their trials, not enjoyed their happy times. I am a serious optimist. It gets annoying I am sure. And it is really irritating to me when I feel less than optimistic.;) I just cant stay that way for long. I see too much beauty in life. Too much joy in my daughters face. Too much warmth in my husbands hand. But I know and feel the pain that I have felt recently and that others feel and I want to give HOPE. 

 Another friend recently posted a few picture of us from like 18 years ago. We were single, living in a college town, struggling with those single, college age struggles Mormon girls often do...will he ask me out...is this a cute outfit...where are we going for dinner? Life was so fun, and EASY. AH YOUTH. I have always been grateful for my friends of that time. They helped shape me into the strong, confident person that writes this today.  When I stand before my Maker, they will be on the list of pure angels at my side. I was always the awkward princess...and I never felt anything but pure love. I could go on for pages on how they served me a great deal. And we had fun the whole time.

That's the other element. We had our fair share of trials...don't let me belittle that time...but I think it is key that we found fun where fun was, and let other things go. 

So believe in yourself, remember there are no HAPPILY EVER AFTERS... and

You are still a pretty princess...oh wait, nope, my daughter told me recently I can't be a princess anymore....and I asked her why, and she said, "Cuz, Mama...YOU ARE THE QUEEN!"...thats right baby, I AM! And you can be too. 

Hello, my name is Ruth and I love an ExMormon

Hello. My name is Ruth and I love an ExMormon.
This will be a repeat affair for many of you. Bear with my story, if you stick with me you will see there is a purpose to it.
First, let me say I talked to my husband, the ExMormon in question, and he has agreed to let me share our story...so here goes!
I was as Molly Mormon as you can get, teaching Gospel Doctrine, attending temple once a week, loving my Mormon life. We met eleven years ago at a Church dance. I saw him immediately, wearing all black and looking FINE. I was so sure of myself during that time I waited for him to ask me to dance and when he didn't I went straight to him, and asked him. I was so sad he was inactive- I had a rule no inactive dating. I didn't go out with him right away. A disappointing date with a widower who spoke of his ex-wife the whole time led me to want to call someone ...fun. We went on our first date and became pretty inseparable. I was struggling at the time with the way people acted in the church, especially with older single sisters...I was a horrible 31...and here was this inactive guy who was just so sweet. We fell madly in love and got married a little over a year after we met.
 I had become inactive during out courtship but a spiritual experience led me back to the Church about a year after we were married. I asked my husband if it was ok. He assured me it was. He said and joked, I always knew I would marry a Mormon girl. He supported my choices, but never came. We settled into life.  Five years ago we had a beautiful baby girl, and he did not feel comfortable coming back to church to decide for himself if it was true. We had her blessed by his father. He was supportive of that as well.
 I would invite the missionaries to dinner, which he liked, but it was always a bit uncomfortable. Until one fateful day about two years ago, he asked them a question about how he would discover the truth himself. He was given a scripture, and from that day forward, became immersed in the Book of Mormon. He read it extremely fast. He started meeting with missionaries and then started coming to Church.  He was changing. He seemed happier. His understanding of the scriptures astounded many..he had a way of explaining it that made you feel like you were there. His spiritual side was amazing . That whole time I was scared. Scared he would stop. I resisted the change because I was afraid he would turn one day and say its all a lie. I didn't want that. He decided he wanted more. He wanted the Priesthood, he wanted to do what he could to go to the temple with me. Everything moved extremely fast, and while I was so very happy for him, I could not help but worry. That worry dissolved when we were sealed to our daughter October 2011. Someone referred to me as getting "the golden ticket". I felt unsure as to why I was so blessed to have this wondrous change in my family, but I embraced it. In my head  started planning future temple trips around the country, going on Church History vacations....I was so excited.
Then, a week after our anniversary June 2012, as quickly as he came back to the Church, he told me my worst fear, that he thought Joseph Smith and everything related to the Church was a lie. He had been studying on many Ex-Mormon websites and he felt the historical facts he discovered far outweighed any spiritual feelings he had. I was devastated. My whole world did indeed collapse and shatter. That same week his entire mouth filled with canker sores- his feelings of betrayal manifested so deeply I believe, his body rebelled.We have both felt anger, betrayal and distrust that wasn't and hasn't been easy for either of us.  That was the beginning of a year that has tested our strength and resolve. We love each other, but at times, it felt like love wasn't enough. We currently still feel that love is enough, but am saddened but what "support" I have found online for those of us who love our Ex-Mormon spouses.  The bulk of it seems unfair and biased, and I want a safe haven for those of us who want to navigate our lives with people who simply do not believe the same way we do. So I am taking the bull by the horns and I am creating a Facebook Group....I love an ExMormon. I am hoping it provides a support where we who are as the Exes call us TBMS(true blue mormons), can talk, support and find some answers to questions about everyday life. How to discuss with out arguing, how to deal with differences in raising our children, how to just deal. And I am blogging to open it up to those who may not know me. The Group is for anyone who loves an ExMormon. I hope you can feel that I want this place to be a place of peace, love and answers, no contention, judgement and hate are going to be accepted.

2 years-What a journey!

Ah yes, I was recently reminded that 2 years have gone by since I decided to run a 5k....and change my life.
I became friends with a exercise powerhouse of a woman, who ran alongside me and prodded me. I will NEVER FORGET  how I thought I would truly DIE  that first mile. Or the ensuing WEEK  of wheezing due to inactivity and exercise induced asthma.As I think back on it..it makes me smile!
 Or the weeks of just making it...and watching her shoes ahead of me. Or the hills. And then. I fell in love with running...the freedom of it. The power felt. I was so happy to find my niche...you all know the story. I ran a 5 k. Then...my cerebral palsy kicked in and reminded me, that I have limits...this caused a huge and I mean HUGE DOMINO EFFECT..
I had to stop running. I had to be casted and then braced. I had to rethink everything physical. I gave up exercising. I wont lie..I was a teeny tiny bit bitter. I gained the weight  back too.
Meanwhile, I got carpal tunnel in my good hand and elbow, had to go on leave for work, and we lost our house. We have moved 3 times since that fateful decision.
But, even as I was learning to love running, my husband was learning to love scriptures and the Gospel, He became enraptured of the scriptures ..learning and growing into a spiritual powerhouse that amazed everyone around him. It was a bright place for me, even though my physical body was giving me problems, I seemed to be gaining so much in my marriage and family that it seemed like the phrase" When God closes a door he opens a window"...AND  what a window he opened! I feel so grateful to all the people who inspired and befriended us during this time. It was amazing.
 Just as I had started  to relearn how to deal with my brace, he decided that the Church we attended was no longer for him. It was a blow to my spirit and heart that I still cannot fully express. He didn't trust in the very things that had previously made him happy. How was he ever going to even trust in me again?
Why...why was Heavenly Father taking me to these places of greatest joy, and peace and happiness..only for the adversary to rip them away?
Oh, how sorry I felt for myself. was so very alone. It was a dark and horrible place. And yet, with prayer and scripture study, I came to understand (AGAIN) what my purpose in life was here. Even as my husband fell out of love for his previous faith, I became more aware of the strength of mine...and even...realized(AGAIN)..I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I am capable of much, much more! And I was determined that my family, my marriage would not fall victim to the trials we were facing.
And so here we are, in a home we love (made hubby promise no more moving til we BUY). The dust has settled on the explosion of all our trials...we have found common ground and I am just as in love with my husband as I was when we were first married.
I am back to exercising (modified of course) and healthy eating. I am going to make it this time. I cannot say that I am trial free...I am getting arthritis in my good hand. This makes things difficult...but I am a warrior. I am in control of my body, my life. Really learned that we are the sum of our choices. Our future depends on today. We can choose happiness.YES EVEN WHEN HORRIBLE THINGS ARE HAPPENING. We can choose to believe in ourselves..and OTHERS. Even as bad and terrible things happen to us, we CAN still continue to make the right choice. What have YOU OVERCOME?  Are you in the wallowing stage? are you ready to come out on the other side...fighting and being the one who is in CHARGE.  Because you are ...thats the truth.

Moving Day

Well here I am: just hours away from moving again, as I was  about to unplug my computer and internet and I just felt like blogging a little.
It has been a crazy week. I started off feeling sick, then got better..really better ...then Wednesday...got hit with a sinus infection. Its the kind that kills your brain when you lay down flat, so sleep has eluded me.
I am feeling much better, but would much rather curl up in front of a fire with a good book and some hot cocoa than move my household goods in the rain...BUT THEN...who wouldn't choose that!
Coming to the decision to move again was one thought out, prayed upon, logically reasoned and ultimately, I have this theory, if its right, God will help you along your path.
So much has pointed to the very truth that He is helping us!
We are lucky this time 90% of our stuff is in a storage unit. I have most of my stuff at my sister in laws already over at the new house...except for all the physical labor of actually carting boxes etc back and forth, this should be a cinch...
So as a whole, I am really excited to move in. I am excited to have a fireplace again after 6 years! I am excited to have little dinner parties, and I am excited to CRAFT AGAIN! And EVA IS HAPPY! She is loving her new room, and gets upset that she has to leave...this is a really good thing, as she was nervous at first to move again. And Frank is happy...he needs his personal space, and he is enjoying the house already!
Yay for us...now off I go to unplug everything !
See ya'll later!

HAPPY NEW YEAR~!

Recently, Eva and I watched the latest in the Tinkerbell sagas.The Secret of the Wings...it is all about snow fairies. My daughter and I both LOVE the snow. It instantly appealed to us. We were out in the snow yesterday, and in her young eyes, she is sure one day we can CATCH  one of those fairies! Ah, yes, this is a glorious time! My sweet girl is growing up, and I have loved how fantastic the journey is! 

I have so much energy in the winter, and I absolutely love the  New Year's week preceding my Birthday. It always feels so filled with promise. Good bye old crusty year, with your dirty broken promises and failed dreams....hello New year, let me dust off those resolutions...see how they sparkle again! I love making resolutions and  some say if you WRITE THEM DOWN,  they are easier realized. This isn't always true for me. But why break tradition?

So without further ado...here are some of my resolutions:

1.Be HAPPIER:This seems simple, but last year had a few happiness potholes, and I didn't navigate around them fast enough, got sucked in a bit of despair. I pulled out, but it left me feeling bland. I plan on Doing things that fulfill me, and bring me joy. Find the joy in the simple things I used to love.

2. Spend more time outdoors, exploring. I love hiking around, so if you know of any really awesome spots in Northern California, let me know!In the meantime, our little family started yesterday by sledding! Yay for me- that brought me great happiness AND  we were exploring!

3.Exercise and health are back on the table. I honestly fell off this wagon so much last year! But heres the deal, I think its a constant battle for some of us.  I personally LOVE food. I have a serious LOVE for some exercise. But the two don't always mix. Heres to mixing it up in 2013( note that number 2 incorporates EXERCISE TOO..;)

4. I am going back to journalling privately, to get to a better me. I am still gonna blog, just also have a private journal. 

5.Spiritually, I am doing ok, but scripture study is always in need of improvement, and I plan on fitting in monthly temple attendance.

6. SAVE MONEY AND GET OUT OF DEBT.  We have 2 more years til we can buy a house. But this year we plan on being  debt free! Whoo hoo for us!

7. (this goes with#6: save for our 10 year anniversary vacation!;) Its this June...and Frank has time off again in December! )

8. enjoy Eva more. I already delight in her, but shes growing so fast, I  feel like I need to relish every second!

9.this quote spoke to me and I am ending the resolutions with it: Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys!-Rita Schiano 

Now THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!

Hope everyones 2013 is the best year yet! Heres to fresh beginnings!