Side note:My daughter recently gave me insight to the way she thinks. And she thinks in stories too...except her stories are so much better than mine, because she puts stories to music. Every song she hears creates in her imagination a story to go with it. I feel honored to get a little insight to what she thinks about. As a parent, so much of my day to day is devoted to the care and feeding and cleaning. Have you ever really thought about what THEY are thinking about? I have and now I know....she lives a much more colorful life!
And I have been thinking a lot about my story, and her story and her father's story...and our story.
And how as we grow up really imagining our fantasy life...our fairy tale if you will.
I was recently talking to someone and said something to the effect of "it isn't your typical fairy tale story" and she said...."WHOSE IS? " This is so profound, because we are all the pretty princesses who just want to marry Prince Charming and live happily ever after. Well thats what I have always wanted!
Sometimes, happily ever after feels like a lie or a joke. Ever feel that way?
Some of us start off more like the ugly step sister, some of us never get a Prince Charming, some of us lose our Prince Charming. Some of us never have children, or struggle to just have one, only to be asked why not have more, there are those who lose our children to early to death, or we have children born with disabilities or mental illness. We are faced with our Princes going to school, getting multiple jobs, losing their jobs, and family members passing on way too early. We have to juggle jobs in and outside of the house, often trying to keep that pretty princess smile plastered on our faces, hoping no one sees how truly exhausted we are! There are a million trials I haven't even begun to name...but you can, because you just thought of something YOU ARE GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW.
Our idea of how our life is supposed to be at any given moment is really not unfolding the way WE THINK IT SHOULD. And ladies and gents I am going to set you free .....IT NEVER DOES. NO ONE gets the golden ticket. If you think someones life is free from strife and heartache, you just have NOT LIVED LONG ENOUGH.
Here is the magic, and it does exist...the fairy tale is truly believing in and loving the LIFE YOU HAVE. Right now. This moment. And if you are experiencing a trial YOU can change, know that you and only YOU Have the ability to make that happen.
My Grandma in law is 95. She suffers from dementia, and some alzheimers, and a laundry list of physical stuff...cuz shes 95. And she has HAD A HARD, TOUGH life. She worked HARD next to her husband in the fields. She lost every single baby she gave birth to except one, and I cant remember but I know it was at least 8 babies. She and her husband did not agree on religion, but from what everyone says, they were well suited for each other. Working hard and living hard, they took care of each other. The family talks fondly of them wearing stocking caps on their heads at night and how vicks vapo rub cured many a illness. Her husband passed many years ago, which she has currently forgotten, and she calls out to him in a litany of her husband's name, saying "hurry"..."hurry"... "hurry". The running joke is Papa was never fast at anything, and Grandma was always impatient...even now...shes bossin him to hurry it up.
So if you are troubled, or going through something especially difficult let me just tell you...its hard, it might even get harder...but at the end of the hard trial you will have survived.
I love a good story. And what good fairy tale doesn't have a few dragons to slay. Do you know why the story always ends at happily ever after? Cuz that part is BORING. Everyone wants to know how people survived their trials, not enjoyed their happy times. I am a serious optimist. It gets annoying I am sure. And it is really irritating to me when I feel less than optimistic.;) I just cant stay that way for long. I see too much beauty in life. Too much joy in my daughters face. Too much warmth in my husbands hand. But I know and feel the pain that I have felt recently and that others feel and I want to give HOPE.
Another friend recently posted a few picture of us from like 18 years ago. We were single, living in a college town, struggling with those single, college age struggles Mormon girls often do...will he ask me out...is this a cute outfit...where are we going for dinner? Life was so fun, and EASY. AH YOUTH. I have always been grateful for my friends of that time. They helped shape me into the strong, confident person that writes this today. When I stand before my Maker, they will be on the list of pure angels at my side. I was always the awkward princess...and I never felt anything but pure love. I could go on for pages on how they served me a great deal. And we had fun the whole time.
That's the other element. We had our fair share of trials...don't let me belittle that time...but I think it is key that we found fun where fun was, and let other things go.
So believe in yourself, remember there are no HAPPILY EVER AFTERS... and
You are still a pretty princess...oh wait, nope, my daughter told me recently I can't be a princess anymore....and I asked her why, and she said, "Cuz, Mama...YOU ARE THE QUEEN!"...thats right baby, I AM! And you can be too.
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